The Rapture Is Coming!

The Rapture is supposed to be coming tomorrow, May 21, 2011 and I’m not sure I’m ready. Maybe if it could come next weekend I’d be a little more prepared, but there’s no point in hoping for a rain delay on the End of Times. God has waited so long to close this book, he certainly won’t wait seven more days on my account (especially since his watch seems to run really slow).

I’m trying to foster positivityness about my final judgment, but I’m just not sure about my soul’s final destination so it’s been hard. You see, I accepted Christ into my heart a long time ago (20+ years since I was baptized) but I’m pretty sure he moved out sometime in the late 90’s. While Christ left my heart in good condition and I mailed him back his security deposit I’m still pretty sure that’s not going to cut it this Saturday evening.

I’m hoping that all the good works I’ve been doing for the past few years, what with all the animals I’ve rescued and nursed back to health, will bode well for me. I’d also like to think that this Quit Yer Bitchin’ group will put a point in the “Win” column for me since I’m encouraging a positive reaction to things that universally piss us off. But from what I remember God doesn’t keep score. He’s more of a “Big Picture” kind of deity.

It’s really hard for me to see the worth of my life from the overhead viewpoint, but I’d like to think that I’d break even…at least. Some bad things were done, but some good things too. My main question is whether naps count on the plus column or the minus. Considering how many I’ve taken over the years I really think that could be a tipping point. While some might say I’ve frittered away my chances to do good things while I napped, others could say that I avoided evil temptations by sleeping through them.

This morning I thought I’d do a litmus test – of sorts – by going through the Ten Commandments and seeing where I stood. I felt pretty good because I know I never killed anyone or anything intentionally (I was a kid and forgetting to feed the hamster shouldn’t really count). But when I got to the “covet” parts I got kind of confused. I never really wanted to take something from someone else but I certainly wished they didn’t get things I wanted too, so does that count?

All in all I guess we have no way of knowing where the chips will fall. I’ve known some really mean “Christians” in my life so I find it hard to believe that just going to Church twice a week will be enough. Whatever the criteria though, I’m sure there will be an appeals process. This is America after all, and there’s always an appeal process for all judgments!

So, in the event that both Facebook and I don’t make through tomorrow night’s Rapture I want to wish you farewell and good luck in the hereafter. For all we know this could be the final Quit Yer Bitchin’ post ever. Let’s hope not though, it’s not my finest post and I’d rather go out on a better note.