The Presidential Gamble

Politics, including and especially the election process, is fast becoming a competitive sport.

How to Punish Casey Anthony

I was thinking they ought to force Casey Anthony to live with Nadia Suleman in a reality series as her punishment. It seems like a win-win-win to me. Nadia needs all the help she can get, so an extra pair of hands would be welcome. Casey needs practice not accidentally killing young children, and with so many around her she would surely get lots and lots of practice. And the network bold enough to broadcast that hot mess would have the biggest WIN!

What's Up Doc?

Let's talk about doctors and vets for a second. Now, I can actually say that I'm alive today thanks to doctors fixing me up after a bad car accident when I was sixteen. I'm forever grateful to them, of course. At the same time, why didn't the ambulance turn on the siren or lights when taking me to the hospital? If I died from bleeding to death internally, which I was...bleeding internally, what would they have said? "Oops".

The Rapture Is Coming!

The Rapture is supposed to be coming tomorrow, May 21, 2011 and I’m not sure I’m ready. Maybe if it could come next weekend I’d be a little more prepared, but there’s no point in hoping for a rain delay on the End of Times. God has waited so long to close this book, he certainly won’t wait seven more days on my account (especially since his watch seems to run really slow).

Faster Money

Fast Five making $86 million is the greatest news I've heard in a while. This is just further proof that the majority of people don't give a shit what they're watching, they just want an escape from reality. Who wants quality when they watch a movie!? Personally, I would be perfectly happy watching all the Fastest and Most Furious-est movies on repeat...maybe once in a while, switch it up and watch Pluto Nash or Glitter.

The Net Is Watching

The internet knows all my secrets. It’s been tracking everything I’ve ever said or done while on the net and in the cloud. Some people have a problem with the internet collecting their search history, their blog posts and tweets, their purchasing trends, etc. But not me.

I’m okay with it because I’ve been lying about everything this whole time anyway.

Circus Freak Blues

Out of guilt piled on by my big brother (unintentionally, I'm sure!), I have searched the depths of my soul to find some positivityness to share. And I've found some. Though I can't promise to be eloquent at this hour of the morning....

Driver Etiquette 101

I love when people don't let you change lanes and they actually speed up to block you. As far as being polite goes, that's probably at the tippy top of things you can do. Also, when I'm on the freeway and somebody is going 50mph in the fast lane, and I go around them and they speed up so I can't get over...it's my favorite. I wish everyone would drive around with no destination in mind and just drive extremely slow and when people try and pass them, they speed up. It makes total sense to me.

Happy Adam Sandler

I love Adam Sandler but I wish he would stop doing these cookie cutter comedies. I miss the good ol' days when he did Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison etc. I even thought Little Nicky was pretty damn funny....stupid, but funny.

Raising Hope For "Raising Hope"

If you haven't seen the show "Raising Hope", then you're missing out. It's hilarious! Some of these other shows are getting old, especially sitcoms. You can tell that they're trying to hard to make people laugh, because they have the live audience in front of them. I like the shows that don't have to try and be funny, they just are. Raising Hope is exactly that and totally reminds me of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which is the best show on television by the way.

Let's Sensationalize The News A Little More

Broadcast and cable news networks are too tame with their headlines for my taste.  When they tease a story with a headline like “Are toxic radiation clouds headed for Southern California?” I don’t feel the proper amount of terror to keep me on that channel to find out the truth (that while, yes, radioactive plumes are headed our way they will be so diluted and dispersed over time that they pose less threat than 20 minutes on the beach without sunscreen).

Grateful For My Cats

I am so grateful that for the past few years, while I’ve been laid up here at home from a back injury, I’ve had the fine company of all my wonderful cats.

Chocoholic Easter

I know that Christmas is the holiday for retailers (and Christians, of course), and Valentine’s Day is a holiday made-up for the benefit of the Greeting Card companies and florists.  And St. Patrick’s Day is primarily for the drunks and drinkers alike (and the Irish Catholics).  But I am firmly convinced that Easter is a holiday primarily geared towards Chocoholics and largely benefiting the drug-peddling dealers known as the candy companies (and Christians, of course).

Why Angry Birds Belongs On TV

It makes perfect sense to me that they are making an Angry Birds TV show and (hopefully) movie. I can only speak for myself, but at the end of my marathon Angry Birds sessions I am often left wanting more depth out of the story, more insight into the personalities of the birds, more evil wrongdoings by those nasty little pig heads.

Thank God For Charlie Sheen!

Thank God for Charlie Sheen...at least we don't have to hear about Justin Bieber any more.

Bieber Fever-StrainHV2

I cannot get enough Justin Bieber!! I am thrilled to see him on every single TV program, in every magazine from Time to TV Guide, on all the radio programs and podcasts as well. I just think that's what we all need in this desperate time for our world and our nation; more Justin Bieber than we can shake a stick at!

Mother Nature Interior Design

Wind is SO cool! The excitement of wondering whether or not I'll be getting a new patio door courtesy of our homeowner's insurance is unrivaled! And the idea of finding our patio furniture in our living room is intriguing. Maybe it'll look so good, we'll just keep it there.

In Praise Of The Super Bowl

I love the Super Bowl! It's awesome to get together with friends, drinking and laughing, screaming and hollering at the TV!  Rewinding the great moments and analyzing every breathtaking scene as it unfolds on the screen. The camaraderie of all my friends simultaneously cheering or moaning depending on how much they've had to drink! Absolutely one of the funnest parties to go to every year no matter where it's held.

If only they wouldn't keep interrupting the commercials with that stupid football game it would be the perfect television event.

Blister Pack Cure

Really, blister packs for cold medicines are the best invention ever! I mean, who doesn't look forward to the challenge of getting a pill you are desperate for out of the packaging? It's a great way to take your mind off of how crappy you feel!

Gun Control Suggestion

The problem with guns isn't that we need better gun control laws. The problem is that we need better guns to shoot all the bleeding-heart liberals that say things like "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." This one ought to do it!!

FBI - Taking One For The Kids

I think it was awesome how the FBI undercover agent demonstrated to the young children why you always make sure the gun is empty BEFORE pulling the trigger. He was even willing to suffer by shooting his foot for the sake of children. I am sure he was also showing his agency the importance of proper training. WOW, that was covering "two birds with one shot". Maybe he could help balance our budget!

The Best Of Winter

I love winter. I love the snow, falling like little ice pebbles on the back of my neck and straight down the back of my shirt so it can create a little pool of freezing water at the small of my back. I love it when the thermometer reads 9 degrees, but you have to check the "feels like" index, because that's actually -11 degrees.

Valentine's Lovin'

Nothing says 'I Love You' quite like a Valentine's gift from the 7-11. Panties folded to look like a rose? Yes please! And could you get me some cheetos and a big gulp while you're at it? romantical! A 3 foot Valentine's card that says 'I Love You' - wow! I know you mean it now! Am I being too cynical? I know it's the thought that counts - my thought is this white trash love affair ain't gonna end well....

Drugs On TV

I just love those TV ads for (fill in the blank) medicine. These big pharmaceutical companies buy 60 second spots to advertise their life-changing drugs. The commercials are filled with positive imagery and use the most uplifting, ethereal music in the background, while a narrator with a soothing, peaceful timbre to their voice spends the first 10 seconds telling you how wonderful the drug is, and how it will change your life for the better in ways even they cannot fully describe.

We'll Get It Right Next Time

I say we absolutely should let the Federal Government run out of money. Let's not raise that pesky deficit anymore! Down with big government!! Hell, let's just say what we're all thinking...Down with ANY government.

Foxy Nazi

"Fox News - You're either with us, or YOU'RE A NAZI!"

(Please offer up your Fox News tag lines...)

Bill O'Reilly Defends His Nazi Analogies

Dust In The Wind

I just love the wind...especially when it blows real hard...there is nothing like the feeling of dust in your eyes, and trash whipping around your porch...I only wish it could be windy everyday... (on a serious note I do love kites).

Wineing

You know what I just adore more than anything? Table wine. What, I wonder, is table wine. Seriously, unless it's made out of god damn tables, it's not freaking table wine.

Trapped In The Web

You want to know what really chaps my hide? Seriously, I know it's petty but it still pisses me off to no end. Websites that have bad HTML or whatever programming language they were developed in, and that won't let you go back. You know, as in, I want the fuck out of this horrible website, so you click the back button like 50 times because it doesn't work the first time, and you end up back on the AOL page you originally opened in your browser like 10 years ago. It makes want to sledge hammer my computer, then the monitor, then a nun holding a arm full of kittens. Arrgh!

Seeing The Goal Line

Loves spinning my wheels and getting nowhere while other people zoom zoom right past me. BUT this allows me to appreciate the taste of victory even more, once I hit the fast lane, to look back at the accomplishments and how I started from scratch.

Money Isn't Everything

I am beyond lucky to have a job that barely pays above minimum wage! It reminds me, every time I work, of how fortunate I am to be able to do something I love doing, instead of merely working for money!

Computing 101

Computers are the best invention EVER. They have a 6th sense of knowing when we need a break from contact with the outside world and decide to stop working RIGHT at the moment that we inferior humans think that it's imperative to email, IM, post, or call someone.

Respect Your Elders

I really appreciate how kids these days don’t feel the need to respect their elders. When I was a child, I would no more remain seated on a bus when anybody slightly – much less much – older than I was present. I would have been – shoot, I probably still would be – on my feet as soon as somebody older than I am hove into sight.

Obvious Crap

I love dog crap...especially when people leave it on the ground 3 feet from a dispenser that has poop bags...god bless them.

Go Car Go!

I have the best car in the world. She always gets me where I need her to go despite the new $300 extravagance :)

Prehistoric Battle Of The Sexes

Wow, I'm honored. Or disturbed. Or both. So I was going to say something along the lines of I really hate it when I inspire a facebook group, but that would be a lie. So instead I will tell you what I really hate.

Cat Fancy

I see it as a true wonderment of our universe that cats have evolved such a strong will and sense of entitlement that even with almost 50 stitches running down both sides of my kitty's belly, even with heavy doses of narcotic pain meds, even with a completely chapped ass from the week-long constant diarrhea, even with almost no sleep and all that pain she can still bitch at me because I'm sitting just 3 millimeters too close to her while she's trying (futilely) to clean herself.

I just love my cat and her always-sunny disposition. ♥

All Gummed Up

It is so awesome when people spit out their gum on the sidewalk, or parking lots, or wherever my feet are going to be.